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God, what are you doing???

For the past week Corey and I have been literally laying on a matress in our living room floor watching movies and passing the Kleenex and NyQuil back and forth. Yesterday we finally got in to see a doctor, just to be told we have the same cold everyone else does, and to rest and take NyQuil.
 
In the middle of all this resting we borrowed “Band of Brothers” from the library, an HBO series about a WWII paratrooper company. Last night we watched the episode where they find an abandoned concentration camp and discover for the first time just why they had been fighting this war. Immediately they all race back to camp and find all the food and water they have to bring back and begin passing it out to the prisoners.
 
In a heartwrenching scene, the unit’s commander is taken aside by the head army surgeon and told that they must take all of the food away and put the prisoners back in the camp. The commander argues with him, refusing to do that. “They are starving,” the surgeon says. “If you continue feeding them, they will eat themselves to death. Until a better place is found we must keep them contained and monitor their food intake.” Through tears, the unit’s translator tells the prisoners to go back inside the camp.
 
No matter how many times I’ve been through the WWII unit in school, watched the movies, and even visited the Holocaust Museums, these scenes just get to me. I can’t keep my eyes dry as I look at the faces of the men and women who endured so much. Last night I found myself trying to step into their shoes… What were they thinking? And even beyond that… How are they relating to God in this situation?
 
If I were in their shoes, I think my number one question would be “God, what are you doing?” In fact… though I’m far from a concentration camp… I find myself still asking that same question. As support raising has slowed… sickness has caused us to cancel meetings… and holidays have made scheduling difficult… Corey and I are asking God what He’s up to.
 
I grew up learning that there are three forces in the world… God, Satan, and life. God causes good, Satan causes bad, and then life just sometimes happens. The more I learn about God, the more I walk away from this idea. Just this morning Seth Barnes’ wrote a blog on this very topic. In every situation, God is absolutely sovereign. Sometimes by causing good and other times by giving Hell’s leash some slack to reach into our lives. I struggle with this concept, but I can’t escape the truth that God makes so plain. I have to confess that CS Lewis has helped the most – “He’s not a Tame Lion.”
 
And so in the midst of the Holocaust… and in the midst of our support raising… I gently hear God’s voice whisper, “Look to Me.” In every circumstance, God is calling me to take my eyes off of my own judgments about what is good for me and what is bad and to simply look to Him. I’m learning not to fight when God’s not fighting and to come with Him when He is. But to do this, I have to maintain one single question – “What are you doing, God?”
 
And what comes after that is simply obedience. To let God use hard and difficult things to refine me and mold me. To praise God for allowing slack on Satan’s leash so that I will learn to fight. To refuse to get prideful about good things in my life and simply stand in awe that God would give such good gifts. To live life with eyes fixed upwards.
 
I’m not there yet… but by God’s grace I’m on my way.
 
if you struggle with God’s sovereignty as much as i do, i recommend Seth’s blog today: The devil is God’s devil.

4 Comments

  1. Great post!! Thanks for thinking through the hard things and not being afraid to write about them.

  2. I read what you have written and I understand what a challenge it is to trust in His sovereignty. It is one of the most difficult asignments in the Christian life but made easier as I come to better know the One who calls Himself Sovereign. For it is in “Who” and “What” He is that brings me to a state of being secure in what I do not understand. Read through II Cor. 11 and feel the heart ache and the physical challenges that Paul experienced to the point of being overwhelmed. Then enter chapter 12 and since the height of what it must be like to have a revelation as he did but only to receive a thorn in the flesh that would never be taken away but then at the same time find “the grace of God to be his sufficency.” I don’t have to understand but I do trust in the one I call Soveriegn for He is more than worthy of my trust and to trust Him when I have no insight or understanding is what someone called “True Faith.” God has blessed us with his sovereignty & what a wonderful blessing it is.
    Sincerely
    Pastor Jim

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