Through the glories of Facebook and keeping in touch with old friends, some of my old college theatre classmates discovered we would all be in town around Christmas. A mini-reunion was quickly organized… BYOB as all theatre functions are.As I cleaned the house and got ready for everyone to come over my mind wandered down various twists and turns of memory lane. At first I remembered parties we had thrown, shows we had been in, and the fun little random events that encompassed our college career. But quickly my mind switched places… I have all these memories of them, but they also have memories of me. What are those memories?
To be honest and vulnerable… this made me a little anxious. I remember who I was in college… and I don’t necessarily like those memories. I didn’t begin loving Jesus until the end of my freshman year, and God took me through a slow process of transformation so that it was two years before many of my actions followed the change in my heart. Because of this, many of my college memories include a girl who was incredibly insecure… a girl who was longing for anyone to tell her who she was… a girl longing for a place to belong… and willing to do or be anything to be accepted.
As my mind walked this road (and my hands folded laundry a little quicker), I began praying, “How can I prove to all my old friends how amazing God has been? How can I show them how different I am?” And Satan… as he loves to do… began to whisper about my performance. I began to let my mind conjure up exactly how I was going to act, what I would say, how the house would look, so that I could prove that I’m not who I used to be.
But… by God’s grace… He interrupted with the gentle rebuke I’ve come to love: “Laura… it’s not your job to prove anything. That’s my job. The old Laura tried to control all the outside circumstances to prove who she was. I’ve created a new Laura… a Laura who simply rests in loving and being loved by me.” It was as if my spirit sighed with relief. “That’s right,” I agreed. “Not my job.”
So with a much lighter load on my shoulders, I excitedly welcomed the people who hold part of my past into our home. We laughed… reiminisced… and overwhelmed our husbands with memories. And then something funny happened…
As I stood on the front porch with Allen and Katrina, relaxed and as comfortable as we’d been 5 years ago, we found that all of us had been doing the same thing today – Remembering. And we all had those same anxieties “I don’t really like the person in those memories!” And again we laughed… together in our memories… and together in our anxieties. And, as with any good community, just simply together.
what a powerful title.
good stuff sweet girl. love you.
i like the laura that you are now 😉
and i like the memories that i have of you too 😉
By the wonderful grace of God I am not what I used to be either and you’ve captured very well the way the enemy tries to keep us trapped in the past. He has given you beauty from ashes. Thanks for your vulnerability. 🙂
I need a fresh encounter with Laura. It’s been what… a month and a half… yep… definitely time for a fresh encounter.
I love you friend. Thanks for sharing your heart and trusting in Jesus. You never have to prove anything to me!
Isn’t God Wonderful!!!
Happy New Year!!!
Love you,
Mama Carol