I've wanted to blog all week. I even asked my friend Brett to guest post for me... forgetting that he is on an internet ministry sabbatical. I like posting to this blog often... I LOVE getting your comments... and I love how writing things out creates a settled-ness in my spirit. So every day this week I've sat down at my computer and......... Nothing.

This made me realize a stumbling block I have... I can't write about the "normal". Whenever there's something going on... something I'm doing, something God's doing, some kind of revelation... then I can write. I admire people like Seth Godin who write every day... multiple times a day. I've been impacted by people like Seth Barnes whose blog has become a daily devotional site, inspiring people so much that they keep coming back. But alas... I sit down to type and nothing comes out.

So instead this past week I've loaded up on America's Next Top Model. It's a secret little love I have. I've cooked and cleaned and stayed up to the minute on Facebook. I've caught up on my Bible reading to prove that it's okay to watch 5 episodes of ANTM. I even listened to a podcast sermon to be extra spiritual.

... and my spirit died a little more every day.

I've known almost since I started loving Jesus that religious activities just don't mean anything

by themselves. My best friend Amy and I have had a long running joke that the cure to every problem is to read your Bible and pray more. It's the trite, "I don't know what else to say" answer that Christians give: "Oh you're depressed? Well, how's your quiet time? Had your full 7 minutes of prayer? Read at least 4 chapters? No? Well that's the problem!" It's the pre-qualification for ministry: "Share your faith? Well not until you've read the whole Bible..."

Want to know a secret? I've actually counseled people to skip their daily Bible reading... GASP! Sometimes you gotta get outside Religion so you can get back to Jesus...

And yet here I was this week, watching my spirit die a little more each day, checking religious activity off my list and medicating with television instead. Praise Jesus all that changed today.

Funny enough, it changed at church. Church can often be another religious activity to check off my list. I'm not gonna lie... many weeks that's all it is for me. But by God's grace, this week I was thirsty... STARVING for my Father's presence. Maybe it was because I knew someone was sharing their testimony about forgiveness... Maybe it was because Corey took Zeke out to the lobby when he got fussy and I didn't have to pay attention to anything else... Maybe it was just Grace... But my Father showed up this morning and revival happened in my heart.

The funny part? Nothing external created that revival. The testimony was incredible, a brave woman bravely sharing her story in a vulnerable way... but honestly that wasn't it. The music was great... and I belted out my praise (just ask my friend Patrice... she thought I lost my voice!). The thing that made the biggest difference was this...

I chose.

I chose to anticipate God's presence. I chose to meet with Him either through the songs or despite them. I chose to acknowledge that what I needed was Him and nothing else. Mostly I chose to stir my own spirit... chose to connect my spirit with the Holy Spirit... chose that whether the people behind me thought I was a weirdo or not I would dance, and raise my hands, and sing my own song, and WORSHIP... not just go through the motions of another church service.

And my spirit is revived! I feel a little like Lazarus taking off the grave clothes. I remember why hanging out with my Father... processing what He's doing... even just spending time recognizing what He's doing... and turning off the television... I remember why that's so much better.

The hard part? I have no idea how to do this on a Wednesday afternoon with a fussy baby... It's much easier to lay on the couch, nurse him, and watch So You Think You Can Dance. I don't want to live that way... I'd much rather soak in His presence than numb the hours of the day. We'll see how that goes this week...