The MyAdventures Blogs are part of the Adventures in Missions Network
her except for one book: Operating Instructions. Itâ€™s her journal about her
sonâ€™s first year and her struggles as a single parent. Itâ€™s good writing, but
thereâ€™s one marvelous thing about Anneâ€¦ Sheâ€™s HONEST.
I need some honesty right now. I especially need some
honesty from a mother right now. Because while Zeke is beautiful and wonderful
and miraculous and everything I dreamed of and prayed forâ€¦ this is HARD.
few weeks. Iâ€™ve worked on mostly keeping my mouth shutâ€¦ or focusing on talking
about something other than Zeke. The reason? Iâ€™m worried about what Iâ€™ll say.
Iâ€™m worried that when the next mom bends over his cute little face and asks me
if Iâ€™m so in love with him, â€œNoâ€� will pop out of my mouth before I can stop it.
Iâ€™m worried that the next time somebody asks if they can hold him Iâ€™ll say â€œYou
can keep himâ€� before I forget to pretend Iâ€™m reluctant to let him go from my
brain. Mostly at 7am, when Iâ€™ve been up for 2 hours, and Zeke is nowhere near
going back to sleep. Of course after Iâ€™ve had a nap, he returns to being the
most cute and cuddly little dream Iâ€™ve ever had. I donâ€™t know which thoughts
are real. I just know they both exist in my head and neither seems to be
winning the war for dominance just yet.
life who have had kids before and theyâ€™ve been honest about the hard parts. Soâ€¦
now that Iâ€™ve come out of hiding Iâ€™m embracing one motto: This Is Normal. I no
longer believe Iâ€™m bad a mom for not wanting to be awake at 3am. I no longer
believe that wanting to hand him to someone else so I can eat my dinner at a
normal human pace is a bad thing. I am just as normal as every other mother of
a 3-week-old baby. The only difference? I want to talk about it.
have an honest space created and ready for them before they have children. And
since we live in a community that is mostly just beginning to transition from
singles to newly-marriedsâ€¦ now is a good time to create that space for future
awful, torturing, self-killing thing God ever does. There. I said it.
realized just how selfish I was until Zeke arrived. 3 weeks ago I never would
have checked yes to selfishness on the sin quiz. Of course thereâ€™s the normal
human amountâ€¦ but I could definitely point to various acts on a daily basis
that were done for someone elseâ€™s benefit. See? Proof Iâ€™m not selfish.
24 hours a day. Then I find out that the selfishness box deserved a giant red
X. And then a whole bunch of thoughts in my head that prove a few more boxes
need checkmarks as well.
for an unselfish heart, a willingness to love Zeke more than myselfâ€¦ all day
long. And Iâ€™m also asking for wisdom about parenting a newbornâ€¦ and helping
Zeke on his journey as well.
sometimes have simultaneous crying sessions because we each want what we want
and somehow those two things are conflicting. And Zeke doesnâ€™t know how to give
up his side and let Mommy have her way just yet. Mentallyâ€¦ and after a napâ€¦ I
can tell you that heâ€™s not supposed to know that. But one day he willâ€¦ and
weâ€™re on a journey to get there.
pool who doesnâ€™t punch the other kid in the nose for taking his toyâ€¦ but
willingly shares. Zeke will be the little boy in kindergarten who helps other
kids stand in line to take their turn at the slideâ€¦ because he knows about
taking turns. Zeke is going to be a man who knows that life-giving community is
where you prefer others and honor them. I know these things about himâ€¦ I know
these visions of his destiny.
we will get thereâ€¦ together.