Capable

I’ve been overwhelmed at the response to yesterday’s blog both here and on Facebook!! It seems there are a plethora of us out there who prefer open honesty! I’m so thankful for all the mothers-to-be who encourage me and all the mothers who’ve gone before who share their wisdom. I’m enjoying continuing to write… as my friend Julie wrote in her blog, It’s good for my soul. Who knows how often I’ll write but for now here’s more…

God’s had one phrase on repeat with me for the past 3 weeks. “You Are Capable.” During Ezekiel’s first week that was the most encouraging three words I could ever hear. That phrase gave me confidence. 3 weeks later… I’d like a new phrase. Maybe something along the lines of “You Are Rescued” … and then VOILA! All the problems are gone.

I’d especially like a new phrase when Ezekiel’s crying and I’m crying and finally I choke out a little prayer for help. “You are capable” also means “I’m not going to miraculously intervene right now.” Hmmmm… not what I wanted to hear.

Even more than that I’d like a new phrase when I find another flea on my couch and ask God to come through like a mighty exterminator and clean these blasted bugs out of the whole house. Have you ever picked up your 4 day old baby and found a flea bite? LOST. MY. MIND. We’ve done our own treatments, washed everything 2000 times, and had a professional exterminator come in. Still losing the battle. My mother keeps encouraging me that they HAVE TO die during the winter. Great… 6 more months. Disgusting…

I’d much rather just walk up to my Daddy’s throne room, crawl in His lap, pour out my every wish, and have Him snap His fingers and all my dreams come true. Really… I like this idea. But somehow Daddy isn’t playing along with my wish list… Instead this keeps rolling around in my brain:

¹³ Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. ¹⁴ But solid food is for the mature…  (Hebrews 5:13-14)

I know a lot about living on milk right now. In fact I’m becoming quite the expert on all things milk. I’ll spare the ugly details (this time…) but suffice it to say milk is an integral part of my life these days. I feel like right now Daddy-God is taking the bottle of milk out of my mouth and giving me a spoon. He’s fed me and held me but He knows that the best thing for me right now is to take the bottle away.

Using a spoon is difficult. You get peas smashed across your face and in your hair… and then just when you think you are about to get the spoon in your mouth, all of a sudden one of those uncontrollable flailing arms comes flying in and whacks you in the eye with that spoon. And green peas in the eye is just NOT OKAY.

… I can’t wait to take pictures of this process with Ezekiel 🙂

And ultimately I know I need the spoon and the peas. No one wants to be the kid at the first day of kindergarten who brings a bottle and whacks themselves with the spoon in the cafeteria. So it’s good… I’ll take it… but it doesn’t mean I’m not gonna cry when I get more peas in my eye. And the good news is that even though I’m capable of walking my way through this season without Daddy-God snapping His supernatural fingers and making it all better… I still have access to crawl up in His lap, ask whatever I want, and cry out what I need to process.

He’s just that good.